Archive for the ‘hahaha’ Category

skirt pendek,api dan geli-geli

MUAR: Seorang wanita melecur pada tangan dan paha apabila skirt pendeknya terbakar akibat disambar api ketika melalui kawasan berhampiran longgokan kertas yang sedang dibakar di hadapan pejabatnya di Jalan Bakariah di sini, tengah hari semalam.

Dalam kejadian jam 12. 30 tengah hari itu, mangsa, Liu Yong Ling, 28, dipercayai baru keluar dari pintu pejabat menuju ke arah motosikalnya dan ketika melalui kawasan longgokan sampah yang dibakar, tiba-tiba api menyambar depan skritnya.

Oleh Zalifah Mohd Yatim
zalifah@hmetro.com.my

*kulop ludin:tu pasal aku tak pakai skirt pendek….. takot banyak menda yang geram!! huhu…

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karangan pilihan terbaik

skpz program permata hati

joke karangan ni dah banyak ada kat blog lelain….

leh tahan gak karangan nie…. aku dapat kat satu blog cekgu…..


Pagi itu pagi minggu. Cuaca cukup sejuk sehingga mencapai takat suhu beku. Sebab itu saya tidak mandi pagi sebab air kolah jadi air batu dan air paip tidak mahu keluar sebab beku di dalam batang paip. Pagi itu saya bersarapan dengan keluarga di dalam unggun api kerana tidak tahan sejuk. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya menemaninya ke pasar. Tetapi saya tidak mahu.

Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120 kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8 kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena meluru dengan laju dari arah belakang.

Dia melanggar emak saya. Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit “Adoi!”. Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula. Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu. Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri. Feri itu terbelah dua.

Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati. Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia..lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh di udara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di Genting Highlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan. Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu.

Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah. Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu lori itu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit “Adoi..!” dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak say menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ke tempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris.

Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lori itu mati. Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi. Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati.

Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya ke pasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah. Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati. Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati.

from the greatbandito

*hehe sesekali layan hahaha!!

haha…

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room. “You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”

The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit
We are all different yet we have a tendency to compare ourselves to others. Why? Because the marketing business makes money, because others compare us to themselves or other people, because some people get a boost out of putting us down, and from all these experiences we start feeling not good enough. Comparing yourself to others is unhealthy and unnecessary. Here’s how to stop.

Steps

  1. Recognize that comparing yourself to others is a bad habit. Culture often projects flawless skin, big eyes, full lips, small nose, pure white teeth, smooth and shiny hair, curvy body, and designer clothes for women and they portray them as being happy. They portray tall men with flawless skin, six packs, and designer clothes with lots of women, and they define that that is what makes a man happy. Culture is extremely successful in being able to brainwash people into believing they should look a certain way, act a certain way, be a certain someone, when in reality every single one of us is different. What culture does is categorize people and they want you to believe that you have fewer rights to be happy because you do not fit an idealistic lifestyle. That’s why lots of men and women resort to plastic surgery, hide away from society, and grow up thinking that there’s something wrong with them. Comparing yourself to others, especially celebrities, is a fine way to throw your self-esteem down the drain as there will always be those who are ‘better’ than you, and those who are ‘worse’ than you. In the end you will most likely end up wishing you were different with thoughts of worthlessness. It takes you nowhere, wastes a lot of time, and puts you in a psychologically terrible place.
  2. Realize that everybody is different, because we are.People are born to be different; no two of us are the same. We have different mindsets, we interpret things differently, we have different experiences, we feel different emotions. Even identical twins are different from each other. We all will always have room for improvement; nobody is flawless, whether it is on the outside or on the inside. As much as some people may want to believe otherwise, nobody is perfect.It would be wise to stop letting people get to you, and be open-minded and aware of what you are doing to others. Something you can do is start thinking how different they are from you.
  3. Stop being afraid to be yourself.Whatever size, color, religion, gender, race, or sexual orientation, don’t be afraid to be yourself. Nobody but you has the right to dictate what you do, what you think, and what you believe in. There is only one you; nobody has more rights over another person to live. Everybody comes into the world the same way; we all age, feel, analyze, and eventually die, so nobody is more special than another. We are all different. If you’ve forgotten who you are, find yourself again.
  4. Forgive and learn.. Learn to recognize that holding a grudge only ties you down from what you really want out of life. Untie the knot and set yourself free. Better yet, analyze and learn what actually hurt you, and prevent it from happening again in the future.
  5. Understand that not everything is possible.You might have heard the saying, ‘nothing is impossible’. In reality that’s only denialism and false hope. You can’t fly, change the weather, time-travel, change the past, live forever, make someone else change unless they are willing to, fit in with everybody, or be somebody else. There are many more things that cannot happen in reality. Be yourself and appreciate where you are now.
  6. Learn to deal with change and embrace it.
  7. Whatever makes you happy, whatever floats your boat. If you feel you need self-improvement and have set yourself an attainable goal, go for it. If you believe that you really need change, do it now. Be sure that you’re doing it because it will make you happier, rather than impressing somebody else. For example, stop swearing if it makes you feel better. Learn to meditate. Start helping others. Learn a new skill. Improve your reading speed. Learn how to write poetically, work towards a better grade, be nicer to someone, try to be more outgoing, train yourself to run faster, learn how to wear makeup better, find clothes that will fit your frame, be a better wikiHow contributor, work harder towards that promotion, learn to better manage your time, change your habit of being a perfectionist, etc. Do it because you feel good about it, not because you feel bad about yourself. This is your life.

Tips

  • Don’t be afraid to put yourself first. You have needs, too. Take care of yourself. If you have a tendency to bend over backwards for others, read How to Stop Being a People Pleaser and How to Overcome Martyr Syndrome.
  • Make some mutual friends.
  • It’s better to be the original you than to be a copy of somebody else.
  • Learn to be patient and accepting with others. This can take a lot of training to do, but in the long run it will be beneficial for everyone.
  • Realize that some methods can work for many others but not for you. When this happens, don’t quit. Keep searching.
  • Learn from your experience.
  • If you don’t have a solid way yet, find a way to let out your anger, frustrations, disappointments and concerns, a way that you can depend on – such as keeping a journal, making a blog, making music, talking or writing about it with someone you trust.
  • It’s better to do it now than think back sometime in the future and ask yourself, “what if?”. It’s better to get hurt then recover from it than having to accept that you lived a very dull life, realizing that you were the one who held you back.
  • You can never be too old to dream, and it’s never too late to achieve your dream, one way or another.
  • Some things can be done and changed overnight; other things cannot be. Habits for example, can be extremely difficult to drop. Don’t be discouraged. Comparing yourself to others is a bad habit a lot of people have. It can take some time to change. Don’t give up. Think about it this way; if you don’t ever give up, you can’t ever fail.
  • If you’ve ever felt like giving up on life but came back from the thought, it’s because you have hope in you. Hold onto that hope. Always have hope in whatever you do, wherever you are.

Warnings

  • Beating yourself is a waste of time, energy, and self-esteem.
  • Don’t allow other people to compare you with others, either.
  • Don’t encourage others if you don’t want to hear it. Don’t make fun of yourself; others may start thinking it’s acceptable to make fun of you.
  • Don’t accumulate unnecessary weight. Let others do their part too. If they don’t, make them. If they won’t, just let it be. If you have too many responsibilities, chances are you won’t be able to accomplish what you really want to, or even need to.

Related wikiHows

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

papadom my review…..

aku baru menonton papadom sebuah felem arahan Afdlin Shauki.
petikan dari blog afdlin…

Papadom adalah cara saya untuk membawa ketengah satu masaalah besar kehidupan saya yang datangnya dari kelemahan diri saya yang sebenar. Saya takut untuk menjadi macam Saadom tapi cara Saadom bekerja di awal filem PAPADOM adalah saya. Apa yang saadom buat di pertengahan filem adalah apa yang afdlin shauki sanggup lakukan untuk anak dia.

Life is ultimately about balance. Life should be lived well spiritually and physically. These are the things that i still have not managed to achieve in my life. It’s like knowing that smoking is bad for you but you cannot stop. I AM A WORKOHOLIC. i have a problem which stems from my passion to create and share my ideas with the world. I know i have I have to prioritize what is important to me but i am a person who believes that whatever i am doing and whomever i love are IMPORTANT. I wish that life was not that hard but i also realise that this is what life is about.

I am nobody special. I am just like you. I am just a man with a bunch of crazy ideas that i would like to see materialize into hopefully an entertaining piece of art. I DOn’t know how long more i can keep this up though. I am not getting any younger and this business of trying to entertain people is very tough and taxing on my relationships and not too mention financially sapping especially living in Malaysia. I have to start thinking about my children and be there for them before they don’t want me around anymore. They are my gems. What do i do???..

em…. sangat menarik ceritanya….. aku dapat melihat beberapa suntikan felem lain seperti mohabbatein..

sikap saadom yang over protecting/ over caring terhadap Mia(anak pempuan tunggal) lebih kepada menebus rasa bersalahnya sebelum ini hingga mengorbankan isteri tercinta….

ditemani dengan bayangan isterinya, pada pendapat aku ianya menguatkan semangat saadom dalam menjalani kehidupan harian.

aku simpati pada saadom tapi pada masa yang sama, aku merasakan dia pun kena belajar melepaskan sesuatu secara perlahan2….. (peringatan kepada aku juga…….)

adegan di panggung wayang tu…… herm…. aku yakin ramai yang tersenyum sinis…….. memang berlaku kepada gadis2 naive….. so, mak bapak kena ambek perhatian masalah sosial camnie…

gambar ni sangat menarik dari segi photographi….. scene 1995 rasanya… ketika Mia berumur 4 tahun…..

ah…. tertitis air mata aku di adegan di katil semasa saadom ngan anaknya, Mia (saadom mengatakan papa dah tak ada sapa2 melainkan Mia….. ) mungkin naluri papa tu memang ada pada aku!!

haih….

untuk ngko afdlin…. aku respek felem ngko bro…. nyentuh2 hati aku nie….. patotla felem ngko menang award!! thumbs up!!

afdlin shauki:

Saya ada satu Permintaan ikhlas kepada penonton papadom.Buat sesuatu yang luar Dari biasa. Lepas tonton papadom, jika anda menyukainya… SMS atau talifon bapa, ibu, isteri, awek, boyfren atau anak anda dan kata pada mereka yang anda sedang mengenang mereka dan anda sayang mereka. Anda Akan merasai sesuatu yang menakjubkan. Dan anda akan buat seorang budak gemuk teramat happy.”

afdlin blogsite

mStar Online : Beyonce Tempah Bilik Hotel Untuk Simpan Beg-Beg!

mStar Online : Beyonce Tempah Bilik Hotel Untuk Simpan Beg-Beg!.

 

Beyonce menyewa bilik Charles Forte Presidential Suite di Hotel Lowry, Manchester yang berharga 2,450 paun untuk penginapan satu malam. -Foto AP

BINTANG pop Beyonce Knowles menyewa satu bilik hotel yang lain hanya untuk menyimpan 12 beg ketika dia membuat persembahan di Liverpool, Britain.

Pelantun lagu popular ‘Sweet Dreams’ itu menyewa bilik Charles Forte Presidential Suite di Hotel Lowry, Manchester yang berharga 2,450 paun untuk penginapan satu malam, pada awal minggu ini.


tengah laku camnilea……

nampak kukuh binaan beyonce nie……


Azwan Layangkan Surat Kemaafan Dan Damai Melalui Peguam

mStar Online : Azwan Layangkan Surat Kemaafan Dan Damai Melalui Peguam.


 

HIBURAN

Azwan Layangkan Surat Kemaafan Dan Damai Melalui Peguam

Azwan Ali ketika menghoskan rumah terbuka Hari Raya baru-baru ini. -Foto THE STAR oleh SHAARI CHE MAT

PENGACARA sensasi, Azwan Ali akhirnya merungkai ‘kisah misterinya’ bersama tiga wartawan. Dan tanda tanya siapakah wartawan-wartawan yang pernah mempunyai hubungan keruh dengan selebriti terkenal itu kini terjawab.

Semalam, Azwan menerusi surat permohonan maaf yang dikirim melalui Tetuan Sidek Teoh Wong & Dennis, memohon agar pertikaian dan salah faham yang berlaku antara beliau dan wartawan hiburan Ku Seman Ku Hussain, Niezam Abdullah dan Tengku Khalidah Tengku Bidin dapat diselesaikan segera.


ini dinamakan kekuatan….. aku respek orang yang boleh mengakui kesilapan dan meminta maaf. ego diketepikan….. azwan ali dah banyak berubah, mungkin ada sesuatu yang diterimanya semasa beliau mengerjakan umrah. bukan senang kita nak akui kesilapan kita…. peh.. aku respek!!

semakin menarik tentang azwan ali….